Posted by: Trisha Leigh | September 10, 2010

Straddling Fences Equals A Sore Crotch

I hate making choices. Like loathe it. I’m terrified of making the wrong one, of realizing years down the road how my life would be perfect and different if only I’d had my head on straight when making that one integral decision.

I’m a person who knows what its like to live with regret, and I have enough of it stored up to last me a lifetime.

I don’t want any more.

At the moment I’m facing a fork in the road of life. I’m single again, which I couldn’t be happier about since my ex…has many undesirable traits. I want to move from Kansas City, not to get away but because I’ve never wanted to live here.

Enter choice. Part of me wants to move someplace new, a city near the coast, and be completely on my own to tackle new adventures. The other part of me recognizes that I’m an introvert and not terribly good at making friends. I could move back to Dallas and have my best friends surrounding me, reconnect with old friends, hang out at football games, and all the other fun stuff that goes along with being part of a community.

More than anything, though, I’m scared of moving backward instead of forward. I don’t want to return to Texas because it’s safe or because I’m too scared to move somewhere else. If I go there, I want it to be because it’s a good decision. It might be.

This past weekend in Dallas made me realize how much I miss my friends. I would love to be able to see them on a regular basis, to really be part of one another’s lives again.

I never thought I would return to Texas. Honestly, I’m not…Texan. I’ve always dreamed of living on a coast, near the water. Still, many of my friends are single. Couldn’t I just move back for a while – not forever – and enjoy this time in our lives together?

It boils down to the choice I always feel like awaits me; the one between chasing adventures and settling down. Sometimes I want one thing, then the other. Is there both?

Not really.

I have to choose. And I’m not getting any younger, people.

I just realized this blog has no point or connection to writing. You’re stuck with it, though, so if you feel like playing therapist in the comments, go right on ahead.

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Responses

  1. Go be with your friends, Trisha.

    • Haha, thanks :). I’m really thinking about it.

  2. Interesting stuff to wrestle with. I can relate in some very similar, but very different ways. Lately, though, I’m rediscovering how much I love KC. That’s just me though.

    I disagree with your answer to “Is there both?” Sometimes settling down is the ultimate adventure to chase. Sometimes. Not always by any means.

    • Thanks for reminding me of that – each step in life is a new adventure as long as you’re in the right place to look at it that way.

  3. I read this this morning while getting myself and the kids ready for the day. It was a very hectic morning, and I found myself thinking run Trisha run while you are still young and free! Go somewhere not familiar, travel, see the world, enjoy life. You have the world at your finger tips, take advantage of it. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, but what I wouldn’t give to be in your shoes for only a moment.Enjoy your new life, and write about it everyday so people like me can relish in your adventure.

    • This is a good reminder to enjoy what you have and where you are – or that the grass is always greener 🙂

  4. Are you kidding, I love being a therapist. I don’t really know you at all, but this is a blog post, not at a Facebook note, so I’m going to assume that you won’t mind input from absolute strangers.
    I’ve traveled all across this country. Sometimes running away, sometimes running toward. Each time I’ve had to evaluate my priorities. For a while, making it on my own was my biggest goal, but then my sisters had kids, and I didn’t want to be the reclusive uncle, so I moved closer to family.
    At the risk of sounding jaded, friends are fantastic, but they tend to come and go. Even if you move to Texas for them, it might not last very long: they may become ambitious and move on without, getting married to rich Brazilian soccer players, leaving you in Dallas. If you are ok with this, fine, but if not, than be the ambitious one, and move out to the coast, where you can focus on writing, and seek out adventures on your own.
    Where can you find peace?

    • How did you know at least one of my TX friends has a thing for Latin soccer players? That is so random. The nice thing about Texans is that they rarely have any desire to die anywhere but with their fingernails dug into the Texas soil.

      I hear you, though. I’m evaluating my priorities and the motives behind them at the moment. Not going anywhere until I know for sure.

  5. OK, my turn to be your therapist…

    I suggest you:

    1. Buy a backpack.
    2. Backpack around the world.
    3. Spend at least a year traveling.

    Being shy and introverted is no impediment to this plan; the backpacker community is very open and friendly and full of shy, introverted people.

    There’s no telling where you’ll finally end up. You might enjoy life on some south pacific island from the sounds of it.

    • I’d really love that, Gary. REALLY. Unfortunately, it takes money 🙂

      Oh, and what would I do with my puppy dogs??

  6. I can’t help you make your choice, but I will say that your blog can be about anything you want. Aren’t there coastal spots in Texas? Is that a good compromise?

    • There are but Texas is so HUGE. Nothing is close to anything else.

  7. One thing to remember, whatever you choose–most decisions aren’t set in stone. Go wherever your soul is calling you, and if it doesn’t work out…well, you can always move again. 🙂

    • That’s true. I *sometimes* drift toward the melodramatic. 🙂


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