Posted by: Trisha Leigh | September 17, 2010

If You Don’t Date You’ll Never Get Dumped

Hello. My name is Trisha, I’m thirty-one years old, and I’ve never been dumped.

I mean, I did have a guy actively choose to date another girl instead of me, but we weren’t technically dating so I don’t think that counts. In reality, I’ve never ended a dating relationship at all. Does this make me a freak? Probably, but it’s just one of many reasons. This phenomenon is caused by my personality, an eccentric mix of INFP and Aries that fuels my often bizarre relationships. (Yes, I like personality profiles. How could you tell?)

Once I get an idea in my head or dig my heels in, you’ll have a hell of a time changing my mind. I can rationalize with the best of them, and here’s the best part – I actually manage to convince myself I’m right. The first time I got married, not one person thought I’d made the right choice. My friends debated whether or not to stand up with me. My parents tried to talk me out of it. Somewhere, buried under layers of stubbornness, I knew we weren’t a good match. I never loved him. He loved the idea of me, but turned out to be not so fond of the person I am in reality.

I talked to my friend Denise last night about women, and how ridiculous we can be when we are in love, or think we’re in love. We agreed on one thing: if you know a girl in that situation, save your breath. Nothing, and I mean nothing you say will register. For whatever reason, it’s so much easier to see what’s wrong with a relationship from the outside.

This is why we have critique partners, right? This is why our agents and editors spend hours slaving over notes – because often we are too close to our manuscripts to see what really needs to be done to make them the best possible versions of themselves.

It’s hard to hear sometimes. Believe me, I know. It’s even harder to chop them up, rearrange them, alter characters so that they are more accessible, have a more consistent personality, or a more meaningful arc. We’re tempted to stick our fingers in our ears and should “lalalalallalla I can’t hear you!”

Maybe that’s only me.

What this whole process of writing has done for me is teach me to listen to what people have to say, let it fester soak in for a few days, then analyze my thoughts. Would I make a change to my manuscript I don’t believe in? No, I wouldn’t. The thing is, if I’m honest with myself, often times the issues others bring up are issues I had with my own manuscript but ignored.

You know what happens to problems you ignore in relationships – they just go away right?

Wrong.

The only way to become a better writer, for a great (not good) manuscript to shine, is to face the problems with wide-open eyes. When you choose to see the issues, often times the solutions become visible as well.

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Responses

  1. Great post. YOU CAN DO IT! GRAB THIS MANUSCRIPT BY THE BALLS AND MAKE IT YOUR B*TCH LADY.

    I mean…love it tenderly.

    • I like the way you think. You already knew that.

  2. Amen! What Harley said. Love that b*tch tenderly. 😉

    • If I had a nickel for every time someone said, “what Harley said”… I’d have 3 nickels. 😉

      • Ha ha. That is a lie! You’d have 5 nickels and you know it.

  3. Great advice on writing. And a funny observation about dating (oddly enough, my getting married was very similar to yours. Why oh why didn’t I listen to me?). I just started a blog on online dating – from an unpublished book about my experience with the whole thing. I’m an INTP.

    • Thanks, it’s nice to know there’s others out there who have no clue what they’re doing either. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy!

  4. Oh, my. Hi, my name is Regan and I’m an INFJ Capricorn. I have never dated, so never been dumped. I married my high school sweetheart and now…yeah. So…Hi, new BFF. 😀

    • I LOVE new BFF’s, especially ones I don’t have to explain my messed up life to. Sounds like you get it because you’ve lived it too. We should talk more 🙂

  5. I’m amazed at how many women are like us!!!

    ISFP and a Gemini. I’m noticing a trend here…

    • I’m shocked, really – in a happy way. Perhaps, once again, I’m not as weird as I think?


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