Posted by: Trisha Leigh | January 12, 2012

The Neverending Pizza Story

A few weeks ago I had a very simple goal. I was tired. It was cold. I wanted a pizza delivered so I could sit on my buns in my warm house and do whatever it is I do to fill the house between work and bed.

This rather simple goal was not to be, people. It was not to be.

I called Pizza Hut on my way home, around 7pm, even though I haven’t been a fan of that particular establishment for some time. They told me I would have my pizza in 5o minutes.

I let my dogs out, changed into comfy clothes, and turned on the television. 8:00 came. Then 8:15. I gave them a bit of extra time, you know, because of Monday Night Football, but I called between 8:15-8:30. They apologized. The store scheduled to deliver my pizza was just a bit backed up.

A bit. The pizza hasn’t left the store, but it will be here soon. Promise.

9:00. 9:15, I call Pizza Hut again. This man is not very sorry about my inconvenience. Don’t I know the store is backed up on deliveries?

Yes. But you see, sir, I’ve been waiting 2 and 1/2 hours for a large pepperoni pizza.

Technically, he tells me, I’ve only been waiting 2 hours and 23 minutes. But they can give me my pizza for free. He supposes.

What about an estimated delivery time?

No, we definitely can’t do that.

Um….

Thirty minutes later I call again and to be honest, at this point it’s all pretty much funny to me, except that I’m hungry. LIke a wolf.

This time the woman freaks out properly when she pulls up my order, and transfers me to some management team a hundred miles away from where I live.

My pizza hasn’t left the store.

“Which store? Is it the one on 40 Hwy?”

She hesitates, probably wondering if she tells me which store has been standing between me and my pizza for over three hours whether I’ll do something crazy. Or violent.

I work in a call center. I understand these types of concerns.

When she confirms that the store holding my pizza hostage is less than five minutes from my house, I wonder aloud  if perhaps I could just go pick it up. Seeing that it’s 10:30 at night and almost time for me to go to bed.

She checks, and we agree that I’ll get in my cold ass car, go out into the freezing ass night, and go collect my &*#($^#$ pizza.

The store is closed when I arrive, because it’s after 10:30pm and all good and decent citizens have had their dinner. I knock until a teenage girl shuts off her vacuum and opens it for me. The manager behind the register can’t be older than me. I tell him what i want. He explains that they requested the call center ask hours ago if people could come in and get their orders because he had a mutiny on his hands.

A MUTINY, people. And here I’ve been worried about a little ol’ pizza.

I have no good response for the fact that no one advised me to come get my pizza, and to be honest, the mutiny comment kind of stopped me in my tracks.

He looks up my order, then goes into the back.

He’s gone for a long time. A really. Long. Time.

Guess what?

MY PIZZA IS NOT THERE HE GUESSES A DRIVER TOOK IT BY ACCIDENT.

To make a long story short (too late)(name that movie reference ftw) he made me a fresh pizza and threw in two batches of breadsticks while I waited for twenty MORE minutes. My pizza was hot and delicious, and I ate it even though I knew eating it at 11pm would chew up my insides with heartburn.

The End.

Goals are funny like that. Sometimes the ones that seem easy turn out to be hard. But if you really, really want that delicious, cheesy pizza, you might have to jump through some hoops. You might have to deal with people who don’t believe in you, or want to make you feel dumb for wanting it.

The nice thing is, there are also people who want to help you get there.

Keep going, people. There is pizza for all of us.

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Responses

  1. Wow! If that’s not a testament to persistence, I don’t know what is. See, this is why you are going to be an amazingly successful writer. Because you have what it takes: stubbornness.

    Oh, and you can write, too. But then, we already knew that from reading your blog. 🙂

    • I am stubborn. Sometimes that’s bad. Most of the time it’s good. Thank you. 🙂

  2. Oh. My. Gosh. This is an incredible story of perseverance. Really. And I applaud you for pursuing the pizza, both literally and metaphorically.

    • You as well, woman. You as well.

  3. Pizza Hut, did YOU read this? I would be outraged if I worked there and read this blog. I’d be offering you free pizza for a YEAR to make up for such deplorable customer service.

    Trisha, I love how you ended this rant. “There is pizza for all of us.”

    • THERE WILL BE PIZZA. Which is better than There Will Be Blood.

  4. I would write them a letter. Because that is a craptastic way to do business. Seriously. That’s ridiculous. You shouldn’t have had to wait that long. It was their inability to manage the store/delivery that caused the dilemma. And in no certain terms should YOU have had to pick up your own pizza. *shakes head*

    Also, I’m now craving a pepperoni pizza hardcore. 😉

    • I know, I was kind of disappointed I didn’t get free pizza for life. But then again, I’ve been too scarred to order from Pizza Hut again anyway.

      • I’m kind of the same way with Pizza Hut. They just screwed up too many times and kept raising their delivery rates. Eventually it’s not worth begging for more stuff from people that suck that bad, even if it would be free.

  5. I can’t believe no one has even bothered to respond with the right answer for the movie quote. Clue. There. I feel better.

    Oh, and sorry about the pizza thing. That sucks.

    • I knew I could count on you with the movie quote. Thanks for not letting me down.


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