Posted by: Trisha Leigh | January 19, 2012

The Dangers of Every Day Living

So I’m following behind my good friends Harley May and Anne Riley (which is a great place to be – nice asses on those girls), and jumping on the living dangerously bandwagon, even though I haven’t done too many crazy things in my lifetime.

I mean, there was the night I accidentally ate a salad with ground up peanuts in the dressing, and instead of asking my friends to take me to the emergency room, swallowed ten Benadryl. It only took about an hour to be able to breathe without wheezing. Living on the edge? Hardly.

I spent years letting my father, who is normally a level-headed type, drag me around behind the boat on an innertube at speeds inadvisable if you’re traveling by airplane. I spent entire afternoons inside with a headache caused by my head slapping water.

Last spring I agreed to share a hotel room in New York City with a girl I’d never met. Sure, she said she was a librarian from Texas, but who can really be sure about these things. (For the record, Claire is a beautiful girl and writer and now, a friend).

And you know how when you’re little and inevitably use the argument “but Sally’s doing it!” and your parents respond (because it’s in the parent rulebook) “If Sally jumped off a bridge would you do it too?” I did. Jump off a bridge because a boy I was head over heels in lust with did it too. Not proud. But it was fun.

I’m not talking about those kinds of dangerous things, people. These suggestions, like Harley and Anne’s, can bring a little spark to your life without even changing up your routine.

1. Put something in the oven for thirty minutes or less, then run an errand to Walmart. Trust me, you never know if thirty minutes is long enough to get in and out of Walmart. Some days, thirty minutes isn’t enough to get through the frozen pizza aisle. You can frantically check the clock while your heart races against the oven timer and images of your burning home dance through your mind.

2. Use the mute button on your phone to pee while you’re having a conversation with someone. It takes practice and talent to carry on a flawless conversation without the other person realizing you’re muting at regular intervals to tinkle.

3. Put on eyeliner before you insert your contact lenses. Because the possibility of blinding yourself first thing in the morning will rev up anyone’s ticker.

4. Don’t wash your hands after you go to the bathroom at work. First of all, someone might catch and shame you in front of half the office. Second, you will be staring a billion different kinds of germs in the face and saying “I FREAKING DARE YOU, YOU LITTLE SPECKS OF NASTINESS.

5. Tell your parents that you don’t care if you get married again or have children. You might want to try this one over the telephone, or run away as soon as the words leave your lips.

6. Black out all of the expiration dates on the dairy in your refrigerator. Potential food poisoning! Or, if you look at the bright side, a day off work!

What about y’all? Any advice for spicing up your everyday life? Because I’d like to try them!

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Responses

  1. Hahahaha! Great ideas, and I’m glad we inspired you!

  2. What, no running with scissors?! For me, taking risks is going 2 days without washing my hair. Yeah. I know how sad that is.

    • My grandmother has a shirt that says “Runs with scissors.” It’s pretty awesome.

  3. Love it!

    Maybe you should add kissing a complete stranger to the list. Nothing says danger like mono!

    • That is so true. And, sadly, something I’ve never done. πŸ™‚

  4. Ha. The biggest risk I take these days is drinking a cup of coffee after 2 p.m. Nothing like the threat of insomnia to really rev up the ol’ adrenaline. πŸ˜‰

    • Ha! I wish that would work. i drink a cup at 9pm in order to last past midnight.

  5. Haha, LOVE these! I’m so trying the Walmart thing ASAP.

    • It’s pretty terrifying. I mean, even more than a trip to Walmart is anyway. You’ll have to do it soon, no Walmarts in the NYC!!


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